Currently, I am deep, deep, deep in mamahood. Which is such a blessing! We are so happy and in love with our baby girl, we can’t even express just how beautiful and how she just fills each one of our hearts with joy.
Today, I wanted to take you all back to when I first found out I was pregnant with our 3rd beautiful child. Baby Adri!
I had just come out of an amazing year, I had finished some amazing projects, which you all will read about soon, I was also a speaker at the Beloved Women’s Conference, Yay for speaking “Gigs“! And I had made some major moves coming into the new year.
I was fresh, hungry and my 2 boys were old enough and our routine solid enough that I could dedicate a good amount of time towards the business.
I thought to myself “this is my year.“
Sometimes God takes us in one direction only to change, redirect and have us go in a different direction. I knew that the work I was doing was my calling. I had signed up some amazing clients and I was starting off the new year with a bang! I also gave “specials” which I later regretted only because it put some major stress on my shoulders when I really needed to outsource and hire (which I did later on). But, I wasn’t thinking! I was hungry and wanted to work with amazing people!
I love the saying that, hindsight is 20/20.
While going through my regular routine, all of a sudden I was hit with exhaustion and a major headache that I actually had to take a nap before I had to pick up my littles from preschool which is totally rare for me in those times, not so much now.
You see, I wasn’t really a napper. Even if I only had 1 hour of sleep I hated naps because it actually made me a thousand times that much more tired than if I would just coast. Anyone else? Now, well now, I pretty much think naps are awesome and a siesta is something we all should and need to consider. For realz.
Needless to say, that’s when I actually thought…Could I be pregnant? I, of course, shook it off told myself, nah… and took some pain meds. Then I went on and picked up my littles, because that headache was one of the worst headaches of my life. I kid you not, I wouldn’t have been able to function.
Fast forward to a few weeks, I go get seen at the doctors and get labs drawn up. I honestly did not think I was pregnant and on the drive home, my doctor actually calls me, thankfully I picked up and well she announced that I was pregnant.
My response… “WHAT!?”
I couldn’t believe it, my friends. You don’t understand. I was happy, I was content with being a boy mom to my two little guys. I felt like our family was complete, but GOD!
For this next part, I want to apologize to those who have experienced miscarriage or loss, please do not take the above or following as insensitive or incognizant of the reality I was in. I want to be as honest as possible because we all go through our ups and downs and if we can’t be honest then what’s it worth?
I literally cried for 2 weeks, alone. I talked with friends (Thank God for friends) and of course. I always ended each conversation with ‘I know this is a blessing.’ Because, although it altered my dreams of what I thought life would look like for our family at the time, I was trying desperately to be happy, knowing God is always with us and that this baby, who we didn’t know would be a boy or girl is and will be beyond a blessing.
Sometimes when we’re in situations that we don’t know how the outcome would look like, we can get caught up with what we think we need, or want. Our baby girl has been beyond a blessing and although I was scared at the time, I am so grateful for the grace and the courage that God allowed me to see that was within me.
Back to finding out I was pregnant…I couldn’t believe, at that moment in time, it being one of the most successful seasons of my business when I was just getting the ball rolling that I was hit with the amazing responsibility of what life will be like with 3. Not just that, but my body was literally changing. I didn’t have the energy I once did. I had also some hard hits with family matters especially my grandma passing away. (I truly wish I was there on her final days but I wasn’t).
I felt lost. Honestly, but I kept pushing through. Has life ever in a way with all it’s circumstances, decisions left you in a haze as though you can’t see? Making it difficult to make decisions?
That’s how I was feeling Love. I felt as though, I made sooo many mistakes not just in my personal life, but my business life as well, as I undervalued my services and I felt the brunt of that.
In the midst of all of that, God still brought light in the darkness. I know that it may seem a bit superficial, but when the Dry Parlor Bar reached out, getting my hair, my makeup done, getting to put on some clothes and with a photoshoot with other amazing ladies, it did wonders for me. It allowed me to continue, and despite my shortcomings, I embrassed the season I was in and I knew everything was going to be ok, somehow.
Now, I’m more mature, wiser, grateful appreciative and I value not just the skills and talents that God has given me but I also truly and deeply value my time. I’ve learned so much throughout this pregnancy. These images are a reminder of how God will always walk with us, confirm our path and lead us if we trust in Him. I was a few months pregnant in these images and I will cherish them for that and this moment in time. There was so much fear that I went through, but also so much possibility. I cried not because I was expecting another beautiful bundle, looking back, I cried because I was afraid of the unknown.
I felt unworthy, I also felt like a horrible person because as friends around me that were trying for their third child were losing their babies through miscarriages and here I was…pregnant and in shock. While others would have been happy and overjoyed in this moment, I was fearful and doubtful that I could be a mom to 3. How could I do this? So many thoughts raced through my mind. I also felt the shame and guilt of feeling different then what would be expected. It’s even a bit difficult to share and if you’re reading this, please know how difficult it is for me to share this but I know this will bless someone, maybe this post is for you. Sometimes, Love, we can’t see our blessings and what we think we can’t handle or deserve God is telling us differently.
(I love you baby girl mama LOVES YOU, you have been the surprise of a lifetime and have made me a better person all the way around I am so thankful for you! I love you, we love you.)
I questioned everything at the moment when I found out I was pregnant. I felt like I was just ruining my life, my kids’ life, not because I was pregnant but because I was ambitious. Who was I? Who am I to think I can actually create a Tech Company? A Production Company? A SUCCESSFUL COMPANY?
I’ll tell you who I am… I am a child of the Most High God and I will not shrink back nor back down when faced with adversity. God will complete the work He’s done in me.
If I can leave you with anything it’s this, God has a way of taking away what we think we want or desire but then giving us so much more then we can ever possibly imagine.
I don’t know what you’re believing for this year but whatever it is, believe that God’s plans are better than the ones we can ever make. Whether it is to go to that next “level“, or to acquire a new perspective, anything is possible and worth going through with God.
Your season is equipping you towards your destiny. Don’t get discouraged, know that He will never leave you nor forsake you. He will give you everything you need and He will encourage you along the way if you seek His face.
I love what David says in one of his psalms “I have never seen the righteous forsaken.” Psalm 37:25
Towards the end of my pregnancy, God had truly given me a peace that surpasses all understanding. Even Baby Adri’s birth was something I saw His hands all over.
I am beyond grateful to Jesus for saving me all those years back. And a BIG THANK YOU to the Parlor Dry Bar, Sara Coffin Photography and Uniquities for allowing this, at the time, Mama of 3 to be, in a photoshoot. I felt soooo special and as though… I still may have something to say..something to give.
Until Next time!